Thursday, January 16, 2014

Being Used.

Lately in my life, for a couple of reasons, I’ve been thinking about what it means to “be used.” I’ve been thinking about what it means to have a person use another person, and how selfish it is. It is SO selfish (lazy, inconsiderate, impudent, and uncaring, amongst a TON of other things) for the person doing the using to use.

Now think about the person being used. 

How do you think they feel? 

Annoyed.
Unappreciated.
Tired.
Undervalued.
Mistreated.
Unhappy.
Unloved.

With that being said, I’d like to update you on a couple things.

For those of you who don’t know, I have been in the process of fundraising to intern at a missions organization called One Missions Society. I have never met a group of people more passionate about obeying God, and I am so excited to be working with them for a few months! I will be working with a ministry of OMS called Hope61, which is a human trafficking prevention ministry. Some of you may ask “why that ‘cause’ ?” and the shortest answer I can give you is because God has broken my heart for the broken, and I feel like those enslaved in human and sex trafficking are the most broken group of people I know of. Of course that is just an opinion! Another reason is that God has confirmed the decision (and led me to the decision) to move out to Indiana to work with Hope61 over and over again!

                          
        The biggest confirmation is that I AM FULLY FUNDED FOR FOUR MONTHS!

This is sooooooooooooo crazy! I was not expecting to be funded this quickly, and I am so thankful for everyone who has prayed, encouraged, and supported me in any way throughout this process! I am so grateful and humbled by the way God has broken hearts and provided for me.  


(Because I am fully funded, any other donations that are made will go towards taking a short trip (one week) out of the country, which I am also very excited about! I’d love to be able to see Hope61 in action in another country. So I’d still like to raise some more money to completely fund a short term, exploratory trip, which is why I am doing a Chicken BBQ fundraiser on February 2nd at Sharptown United Methodist Church. You can pickup your lunch/dinner directly after 2nd service (around 1pm) until 3pm. If you’d like to buy a ticket please email me at ErikaLapp@gmail.com, or facebook message me. They are $10 each. Just a reminder, it is pickup only.)

Also, I am leaving February 15th. My parents and cousin (Sasha) are going with me for a day or two, and I will start on the 17th!

Thinking about how awesome it is that I am fully funded, I realized that God actually DOES want to use me.

Which sounds terrible. But it’s not. It’s totally different from a person using me.

I know for a fact that God loves me and loves all His children and wants them to love Him back. I think that makes all the difference. Plus, I DO love Him back. He is the only thing that could give me purpose and make me whole, because He made me. Not friends, or family, music or laughter could ever give me everlasting joy. All those things fade, but He remains. This world is full of pain and anger for a reason. Even if everyone knew God and loved Him, there would still be sin and accidents. Bad things happen so we turn to God. He LETS bad things happen.

Yup. I said it.
I love my God who lets bad things happen.

I would be so attached to this earth and the things in it if bad things didn’t happen...things that make me run to Him. People die, things break, relationships become broken. The only thing that will last forever is Him. Which is why we can never be disappointed in Him. He was, is, and always will be. He’s not going anywhere, EVER!

EVER!

So yes, I do want to be used. Not by you, or my friends, or family, but by God. My God who lets bad things happen. The maker of everything created. The God who made you, who knows everything about you, and still loves you and wants to use you for the only purpose that matters. The God who wants you. The God who sacrificed His son for you. Knowing all of this makes me understand that the least I can do is sacrifice my life for Him. That may sound...bad. But giving my life to the one who gave me His doesn’t sound bad at all. And working towards things that will actually last forever doesn’t sound too bad either.

 


“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.” - Romans12:1



And I am still learning, everyday, how to do this. 



Thursday, November 7, 2013

Let's Build a Boat.


                                
I know a guy.

He and his wife are building a boat.
 

A 40 foot catamaran with four bedrooms and two bathrooms.



This past weekend I was at One Mission Society where I will be interning in February for four months while working with their human trafficking prevention ministry called Hope61. 

 

 

 






I went to Indiana this weekend to a small, but awesome, missions conference OMS puts on twice a year. My friend Jess and I went last year, so we already had an idea of what to expect. However, the three other girls that came with us didn’t have too much information on it, but they came anyway and they are so thankful they did!




This weekend at OMS was all about how God speaks, recognizing fears, overcoming fears, and surrender. Surrender became a HUGE part of the weekend, to the point where the facilitation team felt the Holy Spirit leading them to change up the schedule. So on Sunday morning (our last day at the conference) we had a time of being able to step out into the middle of the room and pray.

By that I mean this...
All 40 of us formed a big circle in the room. A facilitator, Patrick, guided our time of prayer and surrender. He had a list of things people may have needed to surrender to God. Whether it was surrendering the want of a family, surrendering control, surrendering thoughts, surrendering dreams, surrendering habits, or surrendering pain, hurt, or abuse.  There were a lot of other things on the list too, including miscellaneous! Patrick categorized the list into similar sections and read the specific sections off. When he was done reading the list, everyone who needed to surrender to something in that section (or similar to something in that section) stepped into the middle of the room and formed a circle. Those who didn’t step into the middle stood around the outside of the inner circle. The inner circle then shared what they were surrendering, and the outer circle prayed for them. It was so intense and so good! At one point people were reading scripture, while others were singing, and others were praying out loud. I’ve never experienced anything like it. It was awesome and the devil was angry! People were surrendering so much hurt and pain and being so open about it that I couldn’t help but just cry. I was happy to see people listening to the Holy Spirit and being guided by Him in ways I’d never seen before.

It was so cool to see the Holy Spirit guiding the facilitation team to lead a time of surrender. I love that they didn’t care about schedules or ruining plans. God had something so much bigger planned and the facilitation team knew it! UGH, it was so awesome! 






                                   Anyway, that’s not the point of this post at all.

                                                                   LOL.

                                                      Let me get started!


During the weekend, Patrick told us a story about Jesus. About how He turned water into wine. If you know anything about the bible, you’ve probably heard or read about this miracle Jesus performed.

It goes something like this:


There was a wedding.

They ran out of wine during the after party (which was three days later).

Jesus was there with his crew.

Jesus’s mom was like, “Son, make some more wine since you’re good at making something out of nothing. You inherited that skill for your father, not me.”

Jesus’s response was kind of like “Ugh, mind your business!”

His mom bossed some people around.

Jesus told the servants to fill up six 20-30 gallon washing jugs with water.

They did.

Jesus said, “Take some of that gross stuff out of the jugs and take it to the guy in charge.”

So they did.

The boss man drank what the servants gave him. (Which is what was usually used as foot washing water.)

He loved it.

He then took aside the bridegroom and commended him on saving the best stuff for last.

(If you want the real, more accurate version, you should probably read it yourself in John 2:1-11.)


During the weekend, we had a session that was about finding what barriers we feel we’ll face, or are facing, while pursuing our call into missions. We had to right down the things we were afraid of or holding us back, and confront them with what they really mean. For instance, a couple of my fears included fund-raising, paying off student loans, getting my diabetic supplies while on the missions field, and being lonely. Turns out, the root of all of those things is me being afraid that God cannot provide me with what I need for what He’s calling me to do. 




Simple.

During my quiet time on Sunday morning I was confronting these things. My biggest concern at the time was my student loans. I’m stressed about them and haven’t even started to pay them off yet! I was talking through with God about the loans, asking Him questions full of worry. I knew God had called me to missions, but I wasn’t sure of how I’d get on the missions field with all the payments I’ll need to start making soon. So after I was done asking all my questions I finally shut up for a few minutes. Then God said, “Erika, if you had no loans to pay back would you be willing to apply to be a missionary tomorrow?”

I thought about it for a second. Then with relief I said “NOOOOOO! I wouldn’t!!!!”
I had always thought my debt was holding me back, but I think it’s more of the loneliness barrier that I have to overcome. I would be scared to death to go on the missions field alone. I want to be married (I can wait on the kids part) before I leave the country. I’d want my best friend to come with me. Someone who I could share my life with and my worries of the day with. Someone who knows me and knows what I need!

After I thought about it and let it all out (it felt like something I was hiding deep down inside forever!) I became silent again.

First God responded with “I am enough.”

Then He lead me to Psalm 68:6, which says “God sets the lonely in families...”

That was all I needed. It was a reminder to me of what God has provided me with already. I have a great family and an awesome church family. Both who love and support me in the paths that God is leading me down. Why should I think God wouldn’t provide me with the perfect family in another country? Whether it’s a husband, or a church family who will take me in. God knows my deepest desires and cares about them too.

I then thought of the story Patrick told us about Jesus and the wine. Jesus made soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much wine. It was over 120 gallons total. Who needs that? It was either a huge wedding, or God wanted to show that He can provide and that He can provide generously even with things that we may thing aren't important to God. But what I didn't realize about this story before was how it shows that God does care about the things we care about. God cares about our happiness, our satisfaction, our deepest desires. He cares about us so deeply.


Through this story and my time spent with Him, God was showing me that when the time is right my loans will get paid off and He will provide me with my funds. He was basically telling me not to worry or focus on that now. Right now He wants me to wait.

Rachel, Patrick’s wife, was telling one of the girls that sometimes God doesn’t tell us where to go or what to do because He wants us to draw closer to Him and spend time getting to know Him so He can prepare us for our journeys. She spoke words of truth into my life even tho she wasn’t speaking directly to me! She said when God gives us a task, we normally just do, do, do to accomplish it. Rachel explained that this is sometimes why God is silent. So we can take a moment to breathe deeply and slow down with Him. During my quiet time, God assured me His timing is perfect and that while I’m paying off my loans to make it practical for me to go into missions, He will be preparing my heart, and the hearts I will meet, as well as the hearts I will become friends with while I’m on the missions field. God is going to provide me with all I need for what He calls me to.
 

Same goes for you.
 

Same goes for my friend Patrick and His wife Rachel.

They’re building a boat.


They’re going to sail around the world on this boat with their two young children. 


The boat is going to aid them in encouraging Christians around the world who are  being persecuted because of their faith.
 

They’re stepping out into the unknown.
 

All they know is God WILL provide.


                   “There is no greater safety than living inside the will of our God.” 

                      2 Chronicles 20:15 - "...For the battle is not yours, but God's."

                         Romans 8:31 - "If God is for us, who could be against us?"
 

(That is supposed to be the end of my blog post, but I really want to tell you about where God is leading me! I am definitely doing the internship with OMS for four months, which will start in February. Directly after that I am going to start looking for a job. One that I can make a decent living off of! I want to give God room to work in paying my loans back and I realize this could take about 10-15 years. So in the meantime, I’m going to learn how to speak Spanish and hopefully get a bible certificate. I just bought a legit Spanish learning program! I figured I’ve got some time to learn to speak a language or two while I’m waiting. After about five years, or until I have a good amount of money saved up, I’d like to do something called eXtremeWalk through OMS. This is about a year long commitment. It consists of cultural training (learning the language, culture, and how to disciple in the culture) for about three months and then about seven months on the field to do some church planting and discipling. Then when I get back, I’ll find another job. About two years before my loans are paid off, I’d like to start raising support to wherever God is calling me for a four year commitment. Now mind you, none of these ideas are set in stone. It’s just a brief little dream-like timeline of where I’d like to be in the next 15 years and what I’d like to do during those years. If Patrick can build a boat, I can dream a little too! I also want to say my mind is not closed to anything else God may put in my path or lead me too!)


                                                That's us with our new friend Bethany! She is awesome! 



This was a really bad accident. We were only a half hour away when we hit stand still traffic. Thank God no one had to pee and that I didn't need gas! Although, my car battery did die...that was my own dumb fault tho! But we  got jumped...and not the bad kind. 



                                      You can't really tell, but that's Hannah's new best friend. His name is Iron Man. 



                                        Shelby performed a cool, accidental, ice trick at Steak 'n Shake. 



I have a story about these cookies. They're everywhere. I still don't know who brought them on the trip, but I don't think anyone ate any. They came in a container which accidentally opened, and I guess the cookies fell out into the bag. Then the bag broke, so the cookies were in my backseat. When we got to OMS I found the snack bag in the front seat with the cookies out of the bag on the floor, and the container the cookies were supposed to be in was shut...and empty. I threw the cookies into the street. Then we were getting ready to leave and I saw Cassie sweeping out cookies, literally with a broom. I was like GOOD! NO MORE COOKIES! Then I get home. What do I find...more COOKIES! I really don't know where they keep coming from. Remember my post where a girl thought a cookie reminded her of God...Well if she had an experience like mine, I totally understand her perspective now.

  
We had a great time over the weekend at OMS! Thank you for your prayers. God spoke to each one of us! 

P.S. Please pray for Patrick and Rachel! For provision, safety, and peace.

Here is there blog to stay updated on their progress if you're interested! 

http://coolwhipfam.wordpress.com/  


  

Monday, October 14, 2013

Everything.

I wasn’t quite sure on how to start this post off. I don’t have a beginning, middle, or end to it yet. All I know is the topic that’s been on my heart the past couple of days.

My God is enough for me.

Everything (about this topic pertaining to my life) kind of hit me all at once the other week as I was driving home from a mini youth leader conference...

It so simple to think that God is enough, but to live it is sometimes not as simple.
So often my heart thinks it wants things. Things that are not God. Just things.

Things.

While my head knows God is enough, sometimes my heart forgets. I want to run to old habits when things get tough, or stressful, or when I feel alone, or misunderstood. Sometimes I want to go to things of this world. I think a lot of us may feel this way sometimes or maybe all the time. We may try to rid ourselves of ‘negative’ emotions by something like shopping or drinking. Something to push our feelings aside for what may even be a moment.

With that being said (at this mini youth conference I went to) I attended a class that turned out to be awesome. One of the things the speaker asked us was to come up with one spiritual discipline we could have for the rest of our lives. I said memorization, mainly because I forget everything. I’d love to be able to memorize scripture and enjoy doing it. But it’s something that I really do not enjoy doing alone! Anyway...at the end of the class, the speaker told us that if he could suggest one specific discipline that everyone needs to have it’d be to preach the gospel to ourselves everyday, even multiple times throughout the day.

Then it hit me.

I had been so distant from God the past couple weeks, being preoccupied with papers, projects, stresses, and just everyday life stuff. While I was still playing worship on Sundays, leading youth small groups on Wednesdays, and going to college bible study, I wasn’t taking any time to spend with just God. I may have been honoring God with some of my time, but I was not giving Him His time. Now looking back on the past couple of weeks, I can see it clearly.

I can see how God kept showing me His love, and I didn’t soak it in. I may have given a quick ‘thanks’ and moved on, but that was it. I’ve been so absorbed with my own life, that I forgot about His.

I forgot about the gospel.

I forgot that I don’t have to prove myself to anyone, or be prefect for anyone, which I really struggle with on any average day. I was so caught up in trying to prove myself to my professors and stressing about my projects not being good enough. Then on top of that I was in a few different situations that left me feeling like a nut case! But in those situations I saw God was moving tremendously. And through that I can now see He was calling myself to Him.

I was reading a book before the end of my last quarter of college called “Jesus + Nothing = Everything.” But when life started getting busy, I stopped reading it. But it was basically about preaching yourself the gospel everyday and what that looks like.

(Sometimes I feel like God just laughs at me when I figure all this out...I’m pretty sure He does actually.)

So anyway...

All this hit me the most when I was driving home from the mini convention and a song by Barlow Girl was on. (Yeah...I was bored with my cd’s and decided to check out what was in my 10 disc cd changer in my trunk from 2,000 years ago. That’s what’s up!) The chorus of the song that caught my attention goes like this:

“My God’s enough for me.
This world has nothing I need.
In this whole life I’ve seen my God’s enough for me.”


Then a line in the second verse says:
“Cover my eyes now, so that my heart can finally see
that in the end only You mean anything.”


As I was listening, I couldn’t think of anything more true than my God being enough for me. I was trying to be something by doing as well as I could on my projects, while in the end, they were still nothing like what I’d hoped they would be. And now school is over, and the projects mean nothing to me anymore. I’ll never see my professors again (hopefully), and they’ve probably forgotten about me already. So all the time I spent stressing and worrying instead of focusing on or honoring God was pointless.

Jesus + Success = Everything
Jesus +  A+ = Everything
Jesus + Degree = Everything



Fill in the blank for yourself and be honest.

Jesus + __________ = Everything




My prayer recently is that I can remember that Jesus plus nothing equals everything, and that I can preach the gospel to myself daily for the rest of my life!


(Remember how I told you I don't have an ending for this post. Well...I still don't so I'm just going to end with this. Pretend it flows.)

The more I read these words, the more I think of how true they are in my life.

“My God’s enough for me. This world has nothing I need.”




God is all I need and still he gives me the things I think I need or long for most.

Why does He do that!?!

I don't know.

All I know is I am undeserving, yet He freely gives, and I am so thankful.