There was SO much talk going on that was just weird for me. Little kids behind me (maybe 13yrs old) were talking about doing drugs, they were all cursing like it was their job, and kids on the ice were making out. (Which I was very confused about. They paid $10 to do that. Just go outside for free, it's just as cold out there!)
Anyway, it’s crazy to see just how badly kids need to be loved and need to feel like they belong. It seems like they'll do almost anything. I know that they know drugs are bad and can kill people, but yet they are doing them for FUN (at least for now), as well as other things that will lead them down the wrong path to be people they really don’t want to be. They are skating on thin ice and they don’t even know it. (I just really wanted to use that pun at some point!) I hope they will not always be searching like they are now. I almost wish I weren’t leaving so I could start some kind of ministry there. Don’t worry, I am definitely going to Indiana (I leave in 3 weeks!) for four months, but when I come back I think I’d like to learn how to ice skate a little better...
Anyway, while I was there skating on the ice, I was following my nine year old brother around who was still learning how to skate. It was only his second time, so I was a little nervous, especially because it was so crowded and some people were zooming by us! As Justin, my little brother, started to get the hang of it, he would let go of the wall and do it on his own, but I was always right behind Him with my hand out for grabs if he needed it.
It wasn't in his face or anything, it was just slightly out and ready just in case he needed it. Sometimes when he would get nervous, he would start to skate closer to the wall or grab on to it to keep himself from falling. Occasionally, Justin would start to go faster than normal because he was comparing himself to the other kids his age who were whipping all around on the ice (those kids were going so fast...for real)! I could tell he wanted to be doing what they were doing. But eventually he would figure out he still needed some practice. The whole time I’d try to skate next to him or right behind him, and even guide him when he looked like he didn’t know where to go.
Sometimes he would look at me for help, and sometimes he wouldn’t, but either way I tried to keep him safe the best I knew how. (I even fell with him once. lol! Right on my butt! I tried to make sure his landing was as painless as possible tho, and we both got up laughing at one another. Thank God!) But deep down, I just wanted Justin to hold on to my hand the whole time anyway. That way I knew he would be safe.
This whole experience reminded me of my relationship with God.
“With a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, His love endures forever.” - Psalm 136:12
God always has His hand out for me, and yet sometimes I drift toward other things to “help me stay up.” Sometimes I want to grab a wall instead of Him because it’s just easier.
Things that are temporary always look easier.
The reality is, I should be holding on to His hand at all times, and He wants that. I should be letting Him guide me and being aware of His guidance so I can give Him the glory instead of myself. And yet, most of the day I try to rely on my own strength and knowledge to do things. I am old enough and have been thru enough by now to know that I should NOT be trusting myself and relying on my own strength, because I always end up tired. I need Him to be the me I want to be. Not the me I think I want to be, but the me God created me to be! I can only be that person while holding on to Him and trusting where He leads me. Even if it’s into the deepest of waters.
“The center of His will is our only safety - let us pray that we may always know it!” - Corrie ten Boom
